It would not be wrong to say that for the last 9 months a good deal of my time has been spent trying to understand “trials and testings” as they pertain to me and my relationship with God. To put it simply. “What does He want from me? It would also not be wrong to say that for the last 9 months I have been trying to understand why I am alive going from one physical health crisis to another. I know that my Sovereign God has a right to do as He pleases, and that what He pleases to do is always right. That is easy to say but it is not so easy to contemplate the ramifications of that statement when it is personal!
I know that GOD COULD have taken my life on the way to the hospital…my cardiologist told me that I had “dodged the bullet” and that they were giving me nitro tablets like candy. GOD COULD have kept me from a serious infection from a dirty needle I was jabbed with in the ambulance on the way to the hospital (5
days in quarantine on heavy-duty antibiotics). GOD COULD have kept me from 2 rounds of anesthetic (the first was negligence). During the open heart surgery HE COULD have brought me through without the complication of damaged nerves leaving me with nerve pain 24/7. HE COULD have kept me from a hernia surgery 6 months later where I was filled with too much gas for my recovering heart to handle well. Joyce says it could be called a “comedy of medical errors” except it isn’t funny.
These first 2 paragraphs are not written to get your sympathy. I want you to understand how serious this topic is to me and to encourage those of you who have suffered or are suffering and maybe to help you view the tests in your life with more hope, whether they are physical, relational, financial or a crisis only you and God know about and God seems to have gone silent when you pray for an answer. Many of you have suffered far more than me in ways no one knows but you and God.
If you know me you know that I am not an intellectual and do not consider myself an authority on anything, but this is how I view knowing the mind of God on this subject. God is like the ocean. I can take my bucket (my mind) and go down to the shore and fill my bucket with water from the ocean and I can do that over and over but I can never put all the ocean in my bucket. Knowing and understanding as much of God’s mind as He has chosen to reveal to us is a lifelong process that starts with personally knowing Jesus Christ, His Son, as Savior AND Lord. There is no other way. I have learned this much.
1. Knowing Scripture is essential.
Phil.4: 6: “Be anxious for nothing, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication, with THANKSGIVING, let your requests be made known to God.” Having an attitude of gratitude really does help. Over and over Joyce and I talk about how good God has been to us all our life and we have nothing to complain about now. (I told her my deep sighing is not whining…it just feels good to do it.) Spurgeon addressed the goodness of God to His children: “If you must have a list of what He has given you, ponder the following:
He has given you a name and a place among His people.
He has given you the rights and the nature of His sons.
He has given you the complete forgiveness of all your sins, and you have it now.
He has given you a robe of righteousness that you are wearing now. He has given you access to Him.
He has given you His own Son.
He has given as only God could.”
The spiritual blessings help overshadow all else as you meditate on them.
2. Glorifying God is the goal.
How often I have preached that “Glorifyng God” is to manifest the characteristics of Jesus in everyday life. Mostly I have thought of it in connection with the people in my life; family, friends, those I come in contact with every day but it has been driven home to me it should be true even when you are all alone with no one watching and you toss and turn and can’t sleep. What do I think about in those hours when no one sees me but God? These times are really when the “rubber meets the road” and are just as important to God. Wow! The Apostle Paul’s desire in his words to the believers at Philippi says it best; “According to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, to also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” His suffering didn’t change his perspective!
3. God’s purposes for His children are always good and includes “suffering.”
We all go through difficult times and have learned through them. I have believed and accepted this truth, but a statement by Edersheim gave me more clarity on it. “We cannot understand the meaning of many trials; God does not explain them. To explain a trial would be to destroy its object, which is that of calling forth SIMPLE FAITH and IMPLICIT OBEDIENCE. If we knew why the Lord sent us this or that trial, it would thereby cease to be a trial either of faith or of patience.” In reading the book of Job (looking for more understanding and answers) I read this conclusion by Baxter: “We are meant to understand that there are some things which God cannot reveal to us at present, inasmuch as the very revealing of them would thwart His purposes for good. Enough is revealed to make faith intelligent. Enough is reserved to give faith scope for development.”
I did ask God if there was something in my life He did not want so I could deal with it. I think the first thing we assume (like Job’s friends) is that there is sin involved. My life is not perfect for sure but I found nothing that called for this degree of suffering…in my humble opinion. (That was written a bit “tongue in cheek!) As I read and reread Job’s experience I began to perceive there is a deeper hidden agenda to
some trials God has in mind that is just way beyond us and we won’t know it until heaven. Over and over I have heard my wife quote Isaiah 55:8,9; “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” I knew that but now I know it better!
During this time of being a semi-invalid I spent much time alone praying and I believe I have come to take a lot less for granted about God’s overriding care and planning in the details of my life. I also learned not to hesitate to ask for prayer. Crisis after crisis when Joyce asked for prayer we KNEW there was serious prayer going to the throne of God in Jesus’ name by people who are dear to us and who care about us, and also by people we don’t even know. It comforted and uplifted us! Isn’t prayer another unfathomable and wonderful gift from the mind of God? How do His eternal plans and purposes intersect and connect with our personal praying? We are told in James 5:16 that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much and while I don’t understand it I know it is so and am so glad it is.
I have written this not knowing where and how my test is going to end, but my heartfelt prayer is that someone who reads this will be encouraged by it.